| Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners |
[04 Nov 2009|06:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020842.html Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.
--116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Samantha
Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.
--10th St b/w 1st & Ave A
Overheard by: Libby
Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.
--89th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.
--Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn
Overheard by: big bad don
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| Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me... |
[04 Nov 2009|03:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020841.html Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Steven
Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!
--Virgil's, W 44th St
Overheard by: Check, please!
Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."
--6 Train
Overheard by: i mean disrespect
20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad...
--35th St & Lexington
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| Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood |
[04 Nov 2009|12:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020840.html Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?
--4th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?
--Whole Foods
Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.
--The Leather Man
Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend
Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.
--5th Ave & 58th St.
Overheard by: Courtney
Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!
--Crowded NYU Elevator
Overheard by: S
Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!
--Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Liat
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| But I've Had This Hoboner for More Than Four Hours |
[03 Nov 2009|09:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020839.html Hobo: Yo, boy! Can I ask you something for a minute?
Teenage boy, walking quickly: I'm sorry, I'm in a rush.
Hobo: Bitch, it's not like I wanna fuck you or anything!
--Barrow St
Overheard by: Poky
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| Don't Wrestle Without a Condom, Kids |
[03 Nov 2009|06:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020838.html Black guy: Yo, I can't believe I turn 30 tomorrow.
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
Black guy: Like, I've got a family and a career! What the fuck is that all about?! What happened to my wrestling dream?!
Puerto Rican friend: Yeah, son.
--J Train
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| ...I Own You |
[03 Nov 2009|03:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020837.html Trashy high school girl: I'm so glad I'm finally a freshman.
High school boy #1: Why?
Trashy high school girl: Because then I can make out with all the hot jocks.
High school boy #2: Wait... You make out with me.
Trashy high school girl: Yeah, but you're my boyfriend.
--Central Park
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| Even Though They Inhabit Different Fictional Universes? |
[03 Nov 2009|12:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020836.html Ditz #1: So yeah, I think Jesus was totally a mongoose soul.
Ditz #2: Totally. And Harry Potter, too.
(they nod together)
--F Train
Overheard by: Numbat
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| Stop Me If You've Heard This One |
[03 Nov 2009|09:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020835.html Gangsta to friend: Yeah, so, she started jerkin' him off and instead of cum, man, it was blood!
Friend: Oh shit, nigga!
Gangsta: And then she got one of those knife sharpeners.
Friend: Fuck!
--189th & Belmont
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| The Dreaded Sexican Standoff |
[03 Nov 2009|06:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020834.html Smooth guy: But baby, come on...
Irate woman, yellling: No! No! I will not do it! I will not have sex with you!
Smooth guy: But baby...
Irate woman: I cannot have sex with you! We're not in love! And until we're in love, I'm not having sex!
--57th & 7th
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| Weren't You Bush's Foreign Policy Advisor? |
[03 Nov 2009|03:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020833.html Mom: What did that little girl say to you?
Daughter: She said... that I'm ugly.
Mom: Well, you tell her that her mom is ugly. And then you punch her in the face, that's what you do. And then I'll go and punch her mom in the face! That's what you do!
--48th St & Broadway
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| Um, You Never See Shrubs in the White House? |
[02 Nov 2009|09:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020831.html Kid #1, after playing hide-and-seek: So where were you?
Kid #2: I hid in the bush.
Kid #3, yelling and throwing hands in the air in disgust: No! You weren't hiding in the bush, you were hiding in the shrubs. Doesn't anybody know the difference between bushes and shrubs?!
--Central Park
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| Ever Wonder What Really Happens When You Press the "Easy" Button? |
[02 Nov 2009|06:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020830.html Drunk white girl, walking past Staples: Ohmigod! I remember last summer when a guy spit on me at staples!
Drunk white boy: What? A Staples?
Drunk white girl: Yes, it was that Staples!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kiara
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| That's Stigmata, Ashley. |
[02 Nov 2009|03:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020829.html Girl: What have you been up to, Stephanie?
Stephanie: Oh, I work at an assisted living in Dedham.
Girl: Oh, I know that one. I have a funny story about...
Stephanie: Oh?
Girl: And by "funny story" I mean that I'm in love with your coworker's ex.
Stephanie: Wow!
Girl: Hey, does this look like a mosquito bite or a hive?
--Columbus Circle
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| You're Going to Have to Be More Specific |
[02 Nov 2009|12:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020828.html Girl #1: Fergus's apartment is down there. Have you ever seen it?
Girl #2: I have. Actually, I did ecstasy in that apartment once. Wait, you were there! We ate ostrich. You rolled around on the carpet.
--Lexington & 51st St
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| That Chick Is Way Too Cocky |
[02 Nov 2009|09:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020827.html Wide-eyed girl, alarmed: I can't believe she mentioned his dick in front of you.
Girl in mourning clothes: I know. It's one thing if she mentioned...
Both, in unison: Her dick.
--Tompkins Ave & Hylan Boulevard
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| Pictorial Illiteracy Can Be Fatal |
[02 Nov 2009|06:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020826.html Hispanic teen to friend: Yo, none of the danger signs are in Spanish! "Do not lean on the doors, do not hold the doors." The city doesn't care if we fall off the train and die!
Friend: Then you guys better start looking at the fucking stick figures!
--Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Tara
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| He May As Well Have Hollered, "I Appreciate and Respect Your Intellect"! |
[02 Nov 2009|03:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020825.html Hot girl walking through construction workers, expecting to be cat-called: Oh boy, here we go.
Polite construction worker: Good morning.
Hot girl's friend: How embarrassing.
Hot girl: Shut it.
--Harlem
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| ...Though, to Be Fair, I Don't Act Like That with My Hairdresser. |
[02 Nov 2009|12:00am] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020824.html Ghetto Latina: He's so fucking stupid! This morning I kissed him goodbye and said "you're my world." and he goes "why you gotta be so dramatic?" Like, what the fuck?
Ghetto black friend: Damn!
--Houston & Hudson
Overheard by: Suit
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| ...Away from Witnesses |
[01 Nov 2009|09:00pm] |
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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/020823.html Mom on stoop: Don't you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skateboard: Moooooooom! Go insiiiiide the hoooooouse! I don't need you!
Mom neighbor: Did he just tell me to go inside the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come inside the house!
--Monroe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Tigertail
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